These Are The Days

There’s a saying that goes something like “feelings that come back are feelings that never left.” In other words, we like to think that we can just hit delete on our past, bury old memories and move on. You can go months or years thinking you’ve completely closed a chapter. Then, a random song or familiar smell hits you, and the emotions rush back and feel as if they just occurred yesterday. The reality is, if something mattered to you deeply, a part of it stays with you forever.

From Elul to Rosh HaShanah, and from Asseret Yeme Teshubah to Yom Kippur, these days force us to take a hard look at our past year. We’ve had many bright spots, thank G-d, but we can openly admit it’s easy to slip into bad habits. For example, our prayers may have become routine. We may have recited Birkat HaMazon on autopilot or we may have even hastily shrugged off a poor person collecting charity. You get the point. To borrow a line from Avicii, “these are the days we’ve been waiting for” (The Days / Nights EP, 2014). We all know the phrase, “if you see something, say something.” These days, our high holidays, are the designated time to finally stop, see something within ourselves, and actually say something about it, so we can return to our roots..

When we start saying Selihot a month before Rosh HaShanah, something stirs inside us. Those dormant feelings wake up. The familiar melodies, tunes we know by heart but only hear at this time of the year, pull us in. Finally, we arrive at Rosh HaShanah and hear the Shofar. Now, as the holiest day is upon us, Yom Kippur, we feel deeply connected and are completely in the zone.

Between Rosh HaShanah and Kippur, we have Shabbat Shubah. Why is this Shabbat held in such high regard? Yes, the name Shubah comes from the first words of the haftarah. Though if we’re comparing the teshubah on Shabbat versus the week, you could easily argue that our weekday teshubah is more impressive. We have to push through the daily grind to connect with G-d, waking up early for Selihot and adding extra pieces to our prayers. On Shabbat, we’re already unplugged. We’re with family or in knis, praying and learning with almost no distractions. So what makes Shabbat Shubah so special?

Rabbi Adin Even-Israel Steinsaltz A”H explains in his article “On the Essence of Shabbat Shubah” on chabad.org that this Shabbat is actually a different type of teshubah. Shabbat itself, we know, is a day of rest, delight and closeness to G-d, and not a day of confession or regret. Therefore, Shabbat Shubah highlights our return to G-d, and identifies who we really are deep down. During the week, teshubah means fighting through all the noise to make room for G-d. On Shabbat, we step away from the noise altogether. Our Teshubah on Shabbat Shubah is motivated by love and a sincere desire to connect, not due to fear or judgement. We are not simply trying to become less guilty before Yom Kippur. We are trying to return to G-d, on this Shabbat, with joy and sincerity.

Many of us know this feeling: a connection, a memory, a part of ourselves that we tried to set aside, convincing ourselves it wasn’t there anymore. Deep down, we know it never went anywhere. It was just waiting. If you’ve been waiting for the right moment to let those feelings come to the surface, now is that time. Life has a way of pushing things to the back seat until we’re ready to face them. These days are telling us to stop waiting. Embrace what you feel and choose to connect.

G-d has an open door policy, and we are almost there. This Shabbat, choose to return not because you have to, but because you want to, because you sincerely desire to be closer to G-d out of love. That is the greatest relationship we can have. Yes, we fear G-d, but to love Him, to choose to draw closer despite everything going on around us, that is truly something special. The Rambam writes (Hilchot Teshuba 10:2), “One who serves out of love occupies himself in Torah and misvot, not because of fear that evil will occur, nor in order to acquire benefit. Rather he does what is true because it is true and ultimately good will come because of it.” He adds that “this is a very great level and not every sage attains it.” Still, do not be discouraged. We have a special opportunity this Shabbat. Embrace the connection, and let that love carry you into Yom Kippur and the rest of the year.